Blaming the Top Tier

A few people have had the nerve to ask me questions about the disintegration of my marital vows. Some have asked, “What happened?” or “When did you realize things were going bad?” or “What were the signs?”

As far as what happened, in all honesty, that is not my story to tell, so I will leave you hanging on that question. (Sorry, but I must respect the privacy of others.)

When did I realize things were going bad? Oh, about four or five years ago our relationship dynamics changed, and it was all downhill from there. I always hoped that tomorrow would be a better day, but tomorrow never came.

What were the signs? I could list some of the signs that I saw, but I don’t want others looking for those signs and assuming that their nuptial vows are on the fritz. So, instead I will share a long lost memory that struck me this morning. You may say it is superstition, or an old wives tale, take it as you will, but here’s the story.

As per marital tradition, the top tier of our wedding cake was boxed up and frozen, to be thawed and enjoyed on our first anniversary.

As our anniversary approached we found ourselves with a new addition to our home, she was just a newborn, and cute as hell. I was registering for college, so things were rather hectic, and let’s not forget the other four children that he welcomed into his arms when he married me.

All seven of us were eager to relax and enjoy the memories of our wedding day as we served the thawed cake, but it wasn’t to be so.

Opening the box that contained the top tier we discovered a spider that had frozen to death in the middle of our cake. Now, it wasn’t anything spectacular, like a black widow or tarantula, but it may have been the first sign of doom just the same.

As I share this, I am well aware that we had a long, happy relationship prior to the discemination of vows, but even so, for some reason, the spider story hit me hard today.

It’s the simple memories … both happy and later sad, that make me realize that there has got to be something left for me in this world … some sort of peace within that allows me to move beyond the past.


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