As I look at life in general I realize that the past few weeks have been full of sacrifice, hardship, and general chaos, but the worst is yet to come. As I prepare myself and my children to say goodbye to the greatest man we have ever know, my father.
Dad’s health has been in significant decline in the past few weeks, it is all happening so fast that I haven’t even told him of my circumstances. He is confused, sick, and generally not okay. The part of me that remembers him pushing me on the swings, and playing Rummy 500 in the confines of a motorhome at some backwoods campground wants to rush out to be by his side during his time of need. Yet, the part of me that knows he would do anything for his family realizes that he would want me right here, in Michigan, dealing with business for myself and my children until the time comes.
This has not been an easy decision; to sit idly and wait for God to take him home, but God knows where I’m at and what I need to do. I’m sure that Dad will understand when his time comes and I am standing at his final resting place that he has always been the greatest man in my life. Dad and I are at peace with each other, we took the time several years ago to say our final goodbyes, and though I don’t have access to those written words I am well aware that when the time comes I will be in the right place, looking back over our time together … the many years of sacrifices that he made for my siblings and I. The camping trips, the Dad and me time. I may never know why he has to go so soon in my life, but I do know that at 89 years old, his life has been full of love, experience, and wisdom.
The strongest, most stable man in my life is about to leave me behind, and I ache for him to push me on the swings just one more time. Yet I know his purpose in my life … and that I will carry on to my own children and eventually my grandchildren.
As he enters hospice care for a smooth transition of his final days I know one thing … he is the only man that has ever taught me and loved me beyond a shadow of a doubt. I long to hear his words of wisdom in my time of need, but I know that he has given me everything that he can.
Dad, I will love you to the end of time.