After weeks of thought and preparation we carefully designed our costumes. Skyler spent over an hour and a half on my hair and makeup, an hour on Caitlin’s, and another hour on hers. All that was wasted tonight when we had to bail on Halloween.
Maybe you’re wondering why we would put so much effort into the evening just to cheat by walking into a store to buy candy, rather than walking door to door??? Well, buckle your seatbelt, because I’m about to tell you and it pisses me off.
Although Skyler was nine months old when I had my abuser arrested she witnessed a lot of abuse during that short period, plus the nine months in utero. This has led her to a life of anxiety in what she presumes to be unsafe situations. This is the second or third year that we have been unable to partake in my favorite holiday … and it makes me sad.
You may suggest therapy for her … done. Yet, we can’t predict when her anxiety is going to happen, it just does and it freaks her out. I share her pain, but I can’t fix it. I’m the mom, I’m supposed to be able to fix everything, but this is beyond me … even beyond the scope of my degree.
I effin’ hate what he has done, what he has taken away, and most of all, I hate the fear that he has given her. I can think of a thousand ways for him to die, but every single one of them is illegal … and that is the only reason he still has a heart beat.